yesterday

hmm. nothing gave me so much pleasure than seeing the two of them smiling while chatting to each other, besides the fact that it was during the hymns, cause well, im happy that they can have times lidat. guess thats me, getting pleasure not outta people's misery, but from their joy.

had a great time yesterday, it was one in a million. its not that i needed that company, but still, its the company that made my day. like seriously. its the people that counts. but how often do we neglect these people? and yet even more, how often do we take into account what they would have to do, whether would they be able to catch up with us or not, or do they have exams coming up or not.

in a whirpool of emotions right now. or more accurately, a whirpool that had drained me of every feeling now.

lol....when would i meet someone that i like and she feels the same way about me?

class outing.

today.... hmm....

first of all..... I WASTED 40 bucks on arcade????? OMGosh-.- lol. but quite fun though XS i was playing time crisis again ( only game i play) 3 and 4 i think. one handed playing, my arm still hurts. hit the two tires solo. for the helicopter sniping the truck wheels. lol one handed. a first XP

okay. we ate at ljs, bought the chips and fries cause the others are so really super duper ex. then we went to watch.... THE PROPOSAL. LOL i laughed like shit. and zc was teasing jb thrugh out. LOL.

then.... i psped -.- dissadia and gundam. LOL. and we pooled! i played BETTER! lol. okay... dinner was like ............................... waited very long for some place but was playing psp so didn't really notice the time. (classmate's psp) then went to noodle hut or noodle house one of the two. lol. quite .....ex. free flow drinks and ice cream though.

so a day past. i can't wait for tmw. like seriously can't wait.

its the hols, im bored.

okay. today.... bored. i went to my grandmother's place, then i commed quite a bit, searchin for the cca point system for yvonne, sent a poem to celeste for her bluberblu read, and did this and tt this and tt. when my grandmum was scooping ice cream for me and my cousins, my thoughts, turned back to my grandfather, also because of the poem that i sent, and the thought that ive been having for quite some time surfaced again. so many people that i want to know better, to become closer with, to understand and help them along more, yet so little time. cherish.....thats something i learnt in sec 1. lol.. on the way home, walking in, i cried. a few drops of tears, i was in a mix of gladness and sadness. glad that ive been able to know my family, my pri sch friends, my sec sch friends, the churchies, and my current classmates. lol. only 3 ppl got wad i meant. i think.

its times like this

its times like this when i need someone to talk to, its hard for me to find someone. its times like this when i need some encouragment, and whence do i find them? its times like this......

lol.....

lol... childhood sweethearts......load of crap. never had one. maybe had one in pri 5 and 6? but hate her like siaos then lol. now shes another friend i can talk to. :) lol. liking someone is not easy. loving someone is EVEN harder. but i think i do know how to love my neighbour. i hope i do know how to. love is patient, love is kind.... lol. am wondering why love like and bgr are like the common topics i post on recently. retarded. i had plenty of crushes -.- but liking someone is kinda a not so easy thing for me. it doesn't happen often. and i can like someone for years.. that i do know very well......:S

blogger and facebook ARE screwed. at least its this period of time. LOL! can concentrate on study first. i cannot access EVEN MY OWN BLOG!?!? who cares....shit happens LOL!

its the things that....

im kinda suprised that im actually posting this here. even though i thought of making this my private blog, but then i found it quite troublesome.. so yeah its not privated so ive haven't been saying what i really think, but now this is what im thinking right now.



im thinking that it is actually intriguing to see that ive grown so much and yet at the same time, theres no difference in me now and in sec sch. the same thing is i get influenced very easily. though i know very clearly whats right from wrong, and won't do wad is not right, i still get influenced. the thing that had changed however is actually ive deproved in many areas. like singing for example.



but one thing that hadn't changed from last year was to care. in fact its been wearing me out but i welcome it cause it makes me remember what its like to feel. and i like doing it. dunno how to describe but its like when someone gets over their problem, i feel happy for them:) thats prob why i haven't given up till now.



bgr. well its getting to me. in a sense its kinda influencing me,with all the sudden open bgrs popping up around me, to get into one but ive thought it through. well, im not going to get into one. unless theres a person who wans to get into one with me then maybe.. but im not going to get into one just for the sake of getting into one. seriously ive been dam confused bout the crap thats been surging within me. why can't i just meet someone who makes me cathartic just as i make her feel the same way? hmm. just leaving this mess for the Lord. take my joy and my sorrow oh Lord. it really isn't helping when im singing more than words.



i wrote two poems im just gonna dump them here. annoyed alr, took much longer on this post than i wanted thinking of wad to write. so yeah here u go, enjoy.

Perceptions

A little star in the night sky,

Gazing upwards in silence, I said,

its all alone.

A pearl in the ocean,

Gazing downwards in silence, I said,

its wondrous.

A friend that I went to in despair,

gazing at him I said,

you don’t understand me.

A teardrop on a cheek,

I gazed at it and said,

You’re sad.





I gazed back at him

Thanks for noticing, but what can you do?

I can..

Be there for you

I gazed into the openness

Thank you, Friend.

and.....

Alone.

At 11pm daily,

Silence. That’s all I hear.

Silence, save the howling of the wind.

Silence, save the roaring of engines.

Silence, save the sound of my typing.

Silence…..

Silence……..

At 11 pm daily,

Alone, that’s what I am now.

Alone, that’s what gives me fear.

Alone, that’s what I feel.

Alone, that’s what the whispers of the voices in the wind tells me

Alone……

Alone………..

At 11 pm daily,

I think, am I really alone?

I wonder, who can I talk to right now?

I hunger, for someone I can care for.

I long, for affections aplenty.

I envision, what life is without loneliness.

I realize, I am not alone,

I found out, I have brothers and sisters who care.

I grasped the truth, that the Lord is with me.

and last but not least, the dam song im learning -.-

GIRL:

Saying I love you

Is not the words I want to hear from you

It’s not that I want you

Not to say, but if you only knew

GUY:

How easy it would be to show me how you feel

More than words is all you have to do to make it real

Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me

Cos Id already know

GIRL:

What would you do if my heart was torn in two

More than words to show you feel

That your love for me is real

GUY:

What would you say if I took those words away

Then you couldnt make things new

Just by saying I love you



More than words

(BRIDGE)

GUY:

Now Ive tried to talk to you and make you understand

All you have to do is close your eyes

And just reach out your hands and touch me

GIRL:

Hold me close dont ever let me go

More than words is all I ever needed you to show

Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me

Cos Id already know

GIRLS:

What would you do if my heart was torn in two

More than words to show you feel

That your love for me is real

GUYS:

What would you say if I took those words away

Then you couldnt make things new

Just by saying I love you

More than words

(BRIDGE BRIDGE: everyone)

things to look forward to!

looking forward to hols for two reasons. more time to spend with them and her, to know these dear friends better. learn how play the flute! and also wanna learn cooking from my maid! then things to do! visit my maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather more, time left with them is ticking away! NO playing of com games AT ALL! and also be a helper when i can. :)

cher's day coming! hoping for a usual day's out with the usual gang! hopefully we can. no sure leh, ben and lester should have exams coming and yee mun's Os are near. really miss being with them. and prob would see the old gang too at ctss! :) miss the times we had together too. dang! im missing alot of things!


new man, new life. how i wish we could spend so much more time together. time does flies. :)

sianz....

sianz.... if only she wasn't busy with her stuff. love talking to her but seldom have the chance... we click the best amoung the rest. i think... wonder does she feel the same way.

anyway, lol. im actually learning the song now. -.- then tmw onwards is mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug. so ta! won;t be online at all, but u know my no. so need someone to talk to sms me. but my phone kinda sot. so yeah. cheers! :) have a great wk ahead. :)

lol. i think the performance is making my hype bout society too :S

my brain is officially malfunctioning. im doing things that i dunno why the heck im doing it for.

okay. i just think my voice sucks big time now. like literally? i can't carry a freaking tune anymore and its so dam irratating.

singing more than words for the performance, seriously, i wanna puke at my own singing -.- i go outta tune _l_ and all the crap comes out -.- like 2 years ago i never even know what outta tune was cause i never went outta tune and now? im screwing up. dam. my primes over -.- now im just a failed musician. so symbolic, just like les chorites, clement mathieu.

i need a long break.

the week round

been doing the usual, reading blogs to check on how people are doing, some blogs really inspire me to do more...some make me happy when i read that this person had gotten over their problems.

i feel the same...... feeling very weird... plus the constant back aches and stuff. hmmm. ive told people what i wanted to tell them b4, on my other blog. so im not gonna broach on that.

leadership. hmm. inspire through words, learn through hearing, lead through action. i think these are the most important factosr one leader should have. in fact it makes up the key of leadership. without these things, u can't be an effective leader.

to be or not to be, that is my problem.

i wonder....

for the first time in this week, maybe not first, i had negative thoughts. for the past wk, i felt terrible. as in physically. i had back aches, ankles and knees the usual thingy, eye prob, felt really weird during s and w, dizzy etc... this question suddenly popped into my mind all of a sudden. when im gone, who would rmb me? kinda a who find that im a part of their lifes kinda question and yeah.... ridiculous question.

lol. the end of s and w lessons! no more soccer! now i think i may have the time to go to gym more often . but thats probably after the exams like during the hols? can't wait for hols. i wan to go out with them again, have fun together, get to know them even more.

time and time again, these things make me think and remember. i relearn my lessons. i regain lost knowledge. i re-feel what ive been thrugh.

this wk. quite smooth sailing to be honest, just one wk, ive tried to change failing miserably, but my life had been quite smooth these few days. my tests and quizes are quite okay, bio presentation 4.5 outta 5, prac tes 8.9 outta 10, quiz, 50 outta 75. maths computerised test 80 percent. yeah. miss my friends. like really alot. i miss her sneeze, her quirky comments, her laughter, her happy go lucky attitude, his lame jokes, her phlisiophical statements, his singing, chatting with him, teasing her, his logical statements, her small eyed smile, his smile, his comments that only he understands, her blurness, her quiet commentation, her hyperism, her matureism, her 'adorable' whine, this and that this and that. can't wait for the hols to come, when i can see u all much more! i love being around u all. it always makes my day.

treasure those while u still can treasure them. when he/she goes, all u are left with is memories. thats why treasure.

lol.

my mum said something today that kinda suprised me. she doesn't mind if i get into a bgr. i thought they think that after uni then is suitable. but then again, i dunno. after spending weeks embroiled in this topic, i ask now, why bgr? the bad points and arguments im super familiar with them, after advising people to focus on studies.

but then again, i don't really need to bother bout this. after all, its bout finding the right person first. and also, its kinda small, my scope, cause of beliefs. and i think im just going give it to God, let him decide. why worry? be happy! :) nothing would go wrong in the hands of God. got 8.9 for prac test which is outta 10, 4.5 outta 5 for presentation. first time got such marks. kinda gd actually, but must continue. must mug mug mug. no more games! especially facebk, pvz, l4d and warcraft. must get rid of all distractions. its time to start working. glorifying God through my studies and brining my family to know him. thats what im doing now.

the question that had been on my mind is, is it alright to date someone else of another religion? ( no link to myself).

hmm. first one attracted me due to looks? second one attracted me due to character? third one a mix of both? hmm.... i think the environment is really affecting me. so its time for me to plant my feet in the concrete. and be who i am supposed to be, and not the clay for other people to mold, but rather for Him alone to mold.

i must also keep this in mind, that i would NOT neglect anyone due to a newer person. i would take it into my stride and walk with that additional friend. and not drop any and continue walking, taking and dropping them like theres no tmw.

a sister wrote this on her blog.
-I don't need you to care.
Seriously. Because you are just pitying me, you feel that i have no one to turn to.

it got me to think. when was the last time i pitied someone? i think last year during the sichuan earthquake. when those pictures came out, i pitied them. in a sense i only pity those people i do not know. those people around me however, i never pity them. NEVER. i care. ive know some people who i dislike, but i still care about them. but some people, i care alot more about would be the usual 4 groups. pri sch clique, sec sch clique , churchies, and people i know who are in need of help. thats who i am, thats who i want to remain. someone who cares and tries to help even if nobody appreciates. im glad that i know someone like me, a sister in church. i like talking to her, and her blog posts are pretty inspirational. thats why were are here for each other. to help each other on in the race, to help each other in the run, to help each other up when we fall down, to have fun and happy times together.

i try and try. but when theres too many things, i tend to neglect people and not talk so much to u. i treasure people. but sometimes it seems like i don't. but deep down, i still worry for ur well being etc. stay happy and safe sister.

looking at the past

looking at the pics of when we went to mint, i really long for it to reoccur. its just one great day out with some really special friends, a time of joy and smiles, speaking in a common tongue of laughter, where all uneasiness has disappeared. great times, great friends, great memories.

...... ........ ........ don't u have anything better to do than create all these good for nothing, waste of time and ridiculously pathetic and lowdown and useless crap viruses? get a life for crying out loud. -.-

with my mouth, will i make known, thy faithfulness, thy faithfulness.

with my mouth, will i make known, thy faithfulness, thy faithfulness.
with my mouth, will i make known thy faithfulness for all generations.

trust in the Lord, and all things would be good.
trust in the Lord, and he would give u all the desires of your heart.

today i experience the Lord as my peace. i was having cct, computerised common test for maths. intergration and differentation. i didn't worry at all for the test. normally i would really worry for my tests even though i would show indifference. so this is probably a first? thereafter i got 80 percent for it. i think some of the questions i ti kam, actually only one. got 2 wrong, so got 80 percent last qn i forgot how to do then i try sec school mehod, then got it correct!

and i think i just became a little pet or something lolol i got petted by someone LOL!

sun meet and other stuff.

ahh today. went for Lord's table for the first time, kinda outta place. the bread i took a piece and had no idea wad to do with it, so i just popped it in.couldn't sing at all today again, throat really weird nowadays. was so tired, nearly fell asleep during the meeting.

after the meeting, i was one the first floor, then looked around. the entire place was practically excreting a sense of warmth all around. family warmth i mean. all the kids, nearly everyone knew each other or at least had that look, for me it was like a normal family gathering, i just went to where my uncles and aunts and cousins were at, with the kids running about as usual. somehow and i dunno how, i got pulled into the kid's game of freeze and melt LOL! i just waited for them to play around the handrails, then walked thrugh touching their heads. end of game. i won lololol.

LOL! i just realised i had cut bangs b4 -.- like 16 years ago? LOL! time flies.

baptism

got baptised today. its prob what i declare a end point for the things that i used to do, and a new journey to start off with. time for a change.

got a birthday present from celeste and charis! some thingy that i just know where to put it! :) thanks! and got a bk from my uncle as a present for... getting baptised?? lol. thanks too!

the water was cold! like very! i was shivering constantly. thereafter i ate mac chesse. and ice cream at donut factory (and i was complaining that i was feeling cold...... spinelli's choco mint, again, and i was complaining i was cold.... i ended up feeling frozen so i bought minestone soup from moss. thereafter went home.

was singing hymns the way back lolol.

a sister met a flasher while on the way home. kinda affected her. be praying for u sis!

ta!