scandels and the like.........

this wk. its been hectic like last wk.

just rmbed, on mon, after dinner, me and hl was on the mrt talking, then we were talking bout going overseas to do some volunteer work etc. there was this guy who asked me, whats ur belief. then i said christian. thereafter he said, if u go there do not terrorize their beliefs. i went wdh???

then today -.- went back to school for a few minutes, cher said called us back to do survey -.- ive finished it like way long ago -.-lll then ipc was practically playing pvz and i did cats ppt and mol, didn't even do a single qn and i gave up. couldn't think. mind block-.- then ate dinner, dam early one, then went home. dam sianz sia...

yeech. sour honey mixture -.- just like a bgr. when and where and why did i even come up with the notion of wanting to try out for one? we go to sch to study. not to do such crap which shouldn't be happening yet? its been poping up like daily recently, all this crap is seriously making me feel queasy. and this morning, something from my pri sch days popped out unexpectedly.clive asked me whether i knew charlene and somehow and i dunno how the heck, he knew bout the scandel-.--.--.--.--.--.- and i stupidly also mentioned that i had the same scandel at the tuition center, where we attend the same class -.- shit happens.....again.

yesterday, something that piss ppl off.

today. or should i say yesterday. was one freaking peice of shit. ipc prac, lol. i became jb, and jb became zc.
during bio prac test. like wadthebluddyshit? lloyd alr not in gd md since 6 something was there till 6 in lab. butwadthebluddyheck??? i did the stupid thingy 4 times, 5th time then tell me i see wrongly. i rmb wongly, thought the spore was the dots. forgot we were talkin bout mycelium and not bluddy bacteria. thereafter the fking, pardon the colourful phrases, f-up microscope, did gram test, wa lao wei. the stupid microscope cannot see, turn this turn that, do all the correct procedures also cannot see -.- how i know is correct procedure? cause i move to another bench, the microscope, i use the same techniques, less than 5 mins, got my results -.- wasted like 25 mins. helped christine and muni, christine i think i saw just crayon markings, no bacteria, muni is got bacteria, but cannot focus till razor sharp for some reason. anyway lsct society.

dirty! lolol first was toothpaste, i had to get toothpaste from someone's foot, on my thigh, pass it to qy who was on forehead, then thereafter we swop places. quite -.- it spiced my thigh afterwards. then my hair, lolol like got gel lidat. the dam toothpaste, was stuck in my hair lol. then use leg to get scrabble pieces out -.- kinda retarded. lolol. i think its a challange to come up with un dirty games. dirty games are all soo..... i dunno? standard? u can more or less know what can come out using wad. the same old stuff.

grown

just a few months and ive grown further more. my depth of thought is deeper than before, my analysing skills are being honed daily, im learning how to deal with situations maturely, controlling my emotions and not let them control me. thats i think a brilliant start besides the sucky results in academic and cca areas.

now i know im really over her. :) i feel stressed now. no longer emo or wadsoeva. got so many things to do! dam....

lol. im a warm water bottle.

okay. some people make me , gonna use a chimm word today, cathartic people like miss aw who came over to my sch today, of course the old clique, the even older choir clique in pri sch, the churchies and oh course my little nephews and neices. lol

-.- am i that amusing? or rather are my reactions that funny? excerpt from a bro's gf's blog. XD Kai En saw us holding hands and his expression was PRICELESS. XD Think STUNNED OUT OF MY HEAD face. HAHAHAHAHA (the end) lol. maybe. vid calls with people make them laugh -.- i dunno how or what. or even why? lol. today was weird. no cell in the end. -.- like what the heck? i feel outta place. no longer part of the class or something lidat. though im like very very very much closer with some people in the class, but i feel that its getting serious. ARGH! i need to undergo catharsis! like now??!?!?

you are the peace that guards my heart,

my help in time of need;
you are the hope that leads me on,
and brings me to my knees.
for there i find you waiting,
and there i find release;
so, with all my heart i'll worship,
and unto you i'll sing.

chorus:
for you along deserve all glory,
for you alone deserve all praise
father, we worship and adore you.
father, we long to see your face.
for you along deserve all glory,
for you alone deserve all praise
father, we love you,
and we worship you this day.

falalalala im in a gd mood! lol. for the first time since i have no idea, prob last sat. my cher's talking a buffer system, and im seriously dunno. i think its gonna break in half. or in more peices. within a few more days/months. too much. the intra thing is like ................... shit man. here i am, looking there. somehow i feel envious. lol. thats prob a first. anyway, im happy. lol. retook that mentality, if shes happy, im happy. (: thanks si yun, for tt.:)

my sister. i love her. obviously. but i really dunno how to like communicate with her. when she pisses me off, i shout like a lot at her, i wanna reach out to her, so that i can also be there to help her thrugh her stuff. but i really dunno how to like communicate. i asked her hows sch, she finds me naggy at times, but seriously? what should i do??

hmm. pooled again today. won i dunno how many matches this time. lol ive improved today. rather my playing was better than on thurs. i stank then. prob the table. anyway, i find it worrying. my nephews are alr, i repeat, ALREADY UTTERING VULGARITIES LIKE WADINTHEWORLD? i watched them grow up and i know that they are mischievous and all but whatintheworld has happened to singapore? the kids have really degraded. luckily not all are corrupted. my fave little nephew and his sisters are STILL oh sososo cute! lol i sound like a girl ~.~ but thats a fact! i love kids. i love helping others. thats what i can do? and also, i love playing with kids, to make them laugh etc. lol. guess im gonna be the family entertainer!

i love u too little sister! stay happy cheery and also just be urself! hyper if ur a hyperish person, quiet if ur a quiet person! at meeting hall first maybe? thats the place where i found it easiest to be myself. there are a few people who can't really tolerate things really well, but still, majority are i think u agree with me on this one, DAM TOTALLY AWESOMELY OWN! i hope i observed correctly. and i think i did.

it has its crests,
it has its trough.
it has high tides,
its has low tides.

it has light,
its has darkness.
it has sunrises,
it has sunsets.


it has rain,
it has droughts.
it has lush forests,
it has parched ground.

it has warmth,
it has shivers.

time to time,
day to day,
years to years.
it occurs.
both inside,
and around us.

Today I went to church hoping I could during coffee or icecream talk to them bout some of the stuff that are troubling me. Wasn’t really able to get a conver going. But I enjoy their company a lot. We were walking about getting gifts. And I spent nearly 17 bucks on gifts.

The thing is, I seldom have people to talk to bout my probs. Like seriously.

Shit does happens. This entire wk is shitty, even though my birthday was on tues, so wad? The reason why I don’t like my birthday is cause, well, I spend it alone. Like practically nearly every year. Besides last yr and pri 6. Bests ones Ive had. The rest were like …… anyway getting baptized next wk! after 15 years or isit 14? Time to really start living like one. Not start but really live him out in my life.

just a turn.

just a turn, and a new day's here.
just a blink, and the entire world changes.
just a whisper, and the situation changes,
just a flash, and the mood changes.

just a turn, and im glad.
just a blink, and im filled with anticipation,
just a whisper, and im looking forward to tomorrow.
just a flash, and i wonder what would happen.

things warp and change,
things shatter and break.
things grow and evolve.
things learn to be as thus.

but things do change,
so do people.
what may be for now,
may not be forever.
though one thing is for certain,
his love is for all eternity.

im the listener, the helper. im nearly free 247 minus 49 hrs(my slping time). thats who i am. thats what i do, thats how i fall, thats what gives me additional joy.

i take the blame i take the fault i take the suffering alone. this is what i would do. this is what i am meant to be doing.

yes yes yes! gotten over her! guess yesterday was the climax! the end end of story. im feeling at the top of the world. wonder.... will we go ice cream tmw?

today wad dam crap.

i woke up, at 751, slept for only 3 hrs 51 mins. then, it all started to come back to me. all the dam and accursed thoughts. okay wateva. then i went outta my house, to wait for bus to come to sch, damit, waited at bus stop for 40 mins no 154. this is the conclusion. sbs sucks. i walked out and then waited
like a few mins and 184 came -.- why didn't i walk out b4? i was on the bus when i realised i wasn't wearing s and w shirt. dam it fk it curse it. and now i have absolutely no clue on how to do the stupid ipc report and im stuck. im tired im pissed off im having those dam feelings again like wdf? the cycles gonna repeat itself. lol

overreacted

i think i seriously overreacted last night. nothings gonna happen if i don't do anythin stupid.. i prob was a little afraid since i had no idea what to do, now i have an idea what not to do,and im not gonna do anything but eradicate those things. lol. why do i even wan to compete aganist a bro? why do i even wan to compete with someone when they are both happy together? i shouldn't and anyway its only a crush. even its not one i would still do the same. better me than the rest.

lol. such an irony. just a few months ago i was saying, don't get into a bgr at this age, its not healthy. people change and who knows what would happen? so yup. keep that mentality. feelings can be supressed!

i would tide over this and my other problems, cause i know this within. that God would give what is best for us and that he would give us strength and not let us fall. i think i know what this is telling me to do, which is to continue pursing his word diligently.

leave me alone regarding this.

maybe not being in a relationship b4 is not a gd thing after all. i really have no clue wad to do, i know i must never ever come in btw and i don't intend to and i really wish i can get over asap, but how to dodge those really accurate answers? i have no idea!!!! so don't ask! i need to escape! i would never make 2 people unhappy or even awkward due to me. another thing ive tried extremly hard to do is not to make people unhappy or wadsoevernots. just leave me alone regarding this,

well, yeah.

yeah, as the name clearly states, this is where i dump everything i wanna share.

what ive wanted to do since last year.

what ive wanted to do since last year is really simple. it is to help. to helps those who need help, who needs an ear, who needs someone to just listen to all their cares and troubles, to give some advice occasionally. occasionally when i hear them, its like, i feel that its like my problem. it becomes my problem in a sense and i would keep asking them or just keep an eye out for them till they had tided thrugh it. its dam tiring, the reason is because its something ive been thrugh most of the times. thats why i can link. thats why i can understand. thats why i can empathise with them. thats how i help. when i needed to talk to someone i didn't have anyone to speak to on a long term basis. so now im being that person. to people who need help.

• bgr

Im a product of change. lol. big joke. i thought ive learnt the lesson on bgr. didn't. ended up falling for people again. -.- twice this yr, and worse, is on people who are attached -.- crushes thats what they are. whats happening??? one in pri sch, ended in flames, we were like sworn enemies for an entire year. sec sch one, i don't even wanna talk bout it, last year another one, started off as friendship, she thought i liked her, the entire thing unravelled. we don't even talk to each other anymore. rather, she totally ignores me alr. what other crap had happened? hmm.. some sec 1 liked me last year, another sec 1 liked me this year... -.- wadintheworld's happening to the innocents? the kids?

• just me

ive starting to have emo periods, like times i just go quiet and listen. i think i really prefer that actually. lol. the reason why i laugh so easily is more of a way for me to destress. i prefer quietness, just listening to my friends talk. (: that were the great times.

• birthdays.

why ive never really looked forward to birthdays cause nothing gonna happen anyway. so why even look forward to them? they are just the day on which u are born. if something's gonna happen, then yeah duh of course i would look forward to those. but lol. ur kidding if something happens.

last thing for today, of course as usual is the people im close to.

lol. im close to very few people actually. 3 in pri sch, 4 in sec sch, 2 in sec sch, and..... 9 in church.probably these are the people who ive been myself when im with them. none in poly so far. im still learning more bout them each day. well, after talking to someone for just a few days, like really talk, more or less i can map out who they are like etc.
thats how i link to people.

i just recalled something. yesterday when i was actually doing my revision, i totally gave up. i felt that there were like alot of things to do, alot of things to rmb, a lot of things to complete. in a sense, i really felt like throwing my com aganist the wall if i get another 2 for the quiz. lol. how many kai ens did u get. found that horrendously depressing. shit happens.and i deserved that though. addicted to facebook. need to stop it. need to stop it.

i and my dad had a pact. that if i glorify God thrugh my studies, he would believe. at least, thats what he said. i think its not really if i do it, he would believe but rather he can see the change in me then. okay, if thats what i have to do, im fine with it. time to mug. no more games like wc3 or l4d.

my sore throats still here. horrible feeling.

today was lidat. i wasted my entire morning l4ding and gaming. then afternoon went for piano lesson, then thereafter went to my cus place, then back home where i chionged mol and now im revising for mbio quiz tmw. still left with tutorial for maths and also ipc report. dam sianz. its not a small change. its quite a big change to make. big? whats big? nothing in this world is too big to handle. at least, with him nothings too big to handle. alone, cmi gg etc ....